practice

this is what i hear in my head and heart lately.  

as homesickness sets in and my grand florida adventure gets umm...a little less sunny...i hear, 

"practice doing the hard things lex.  walk across the room...chat with the waitress...the mom at the park...serve your husband...again and again...no breaks from crazy kiddos in florida--no mama linny's, mama lyssa's, ky ky's, gramma connie's, or darcie's".

i've been telling myself that if there's any chance of being different--of encountering the kind of change that makes me look more like Jesus (and less like lexi), i have to make it a habit to take the road less traveled--to count myself smallest--to be the first to be last.  

these are all great words and i know you're nodding along with me--i can feel it.  but when i drag them into reality--it's not as rosy as it should be...as i thought it would be...practice hasn't made perfect.  practice has made...me pretty frustrated.

tonight this verse kinda shook up my hard working thoughts...

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. wow. all those older ladies that i idolize.  the ones with hospitality pouring from their hands and praise from their lips...the kind, gentle, graceful women that i long to be like...the ones who give hugs and compliments.  the ones you run into at the grocery store and the next thing you know you are chatting with a glass of wine in their livingroom?   there is no practicing doing hard things to get there--there is no road less traveled.  He is the road.  and that is all.   be near Him and connected to Him and fruit will sprout and grow.   now...i think...those lovely ladies probably practice doing hard things everyday...i've watched them...they definitely don't take the chicken exit often...but it's through His strength ALONE. in His upside down kingdom practice doesn't mean a thing.  and that sounds both scary and wonderful...so out of the lines and yet so refreshing... yup, that's the One i love.  always setting me free...in ways i didn't know i was bound...