my lilac story

{picture by blue ampersand photography}

i've always had this thing with lilacs.  there is something about those brown winter sticks turning to fragrant  purple blooms--they never fail to remind me of great possibilities--year after year.  the very shade of purple makes me wonder just how much red and blue God mixed together to make them.  they smell like eden and oh how they sing of spring...


yesterday i was catching up with an old dear friend of mine--who has the best lilac bushes EVER!  her lilacs are like trees!  they are massive and wonderful...absolutely laden with purple and white blooms.  we were just chatting about things and spring and then she said,


"lex, you will enjoy this.  I had to cut my lilacs--all but one--to the ground.  they were in such bad shape.  it will take them a couple of years but they will be lovely for years to come.  i did that to one of them when we first moved in but was chicken to do it to all of them in case it killed them and all of the books were fibbing.  the one i cut back is now BEAUTIFUL."


i was breathless.  i felt like she was telling me my own story.  ever since we talked i've been thinking about those lilacs.  they were seriously taller than me...and to an untrained eye (me), they were perfect.  but my friend is an amazing gardener and she could see that they weren't what they were supposed to be.  they were okay but in their wild beauty they were getting too out of control for their health.  so she cut them back.  not a trim.  not even a buzzcut but she pruned them back to THE GROUND.  they won't bloom for years...but when they do...i should be able to smell them from here...


i feel like this florida move was the Master gardener's "cutting me back".  in the last 5 years i've experienced growth like no other time in my life.  i've gone through alot...and with His help came out better than before...more alive...a little more like Him.  but if i'm honest, i guess i was growing a little wild.  life was busy-out -of -control-topsy-turvy with kids and brighton road and family and church and friends and scribble studios.  to undiscerning eye (like mine) things looked amazing but He knew...He knew some pruning was in order.  not just a trim.  not even a buzz...but a cutting me back to the ground so i could grow back healthier in time.


this time of pruning is oh so bittersweet.  i LOVE the adventure...the ocean mist...the sunshine.  i LOVE the time with my kiddos...and it makes me sad to see how much i've missed while living life at a break neck speed.  i don't miss the pace of my kc life but i miss the people.  my people. and i miss the dreams...


i walked away from some pretty incredible dreams when i moved away from kc. some wild and wonderful dreams like scribble studios.  i had my own space and place to encourage creativity and inspire wonder into the hearts of today's technologically overloaded children.  i made this place with my own two hands...i was in love with it. absolutely intoxicated with the ideas and possibilities of just how far it could fly.  BUT...it was like my 3rd child.  it took all my time and energy.  i was up there as often as i could be...doing the work of 3 people.  and let's face it...i'm no business person...i just had lots of creativity to contribute. but scribble was my happy place...and i was finally using my gifts and living life to the full!!!  sitting and sketching in that crazy attic space was my eden.  and i walked away...


i walked away from my photography business that was just beginning to bloom and grow.  the growth kept me working...ALOT.  away from kids...ALOT.  but it was supporting my family so how could i just stop???  i couldn't just walk away...so He took me away.


my kc schedule made my head hurt.  all the internal expectations from friends and family.  i am a blessed girl.  i have too many kc girlfriends, couple friends and people i just love to spend time with!  over achiever that i was, i tried to do it all...there was no pressure from anyone but myself to keep up all my friendships--it was something i wanted to do.  squeezing them all in meant squeezing my sweet lil family out...and so...He pruned that back too.


in thinking about these lilacs and their pruning...i couldn't help but think there were a few places in the Bible where it talks about Him being a gardener...so i did a lil internet word search and found quite a few obvious spots--He started everything off in a garden for goodness sake!  He tells me to look at the wildflowers...He says He is the vine...He went to the garden to pray and He was first spotted after resurection--in a garden.  He likens Himself to a patient gardener in luke and various other places in the old testement.  it seems He knows a thing or two about planting and harvesting and growing fruit and things of that nature...so i'm assuming He knows what He's doing right now...with me.  i sure am glad He's patient...


after hearing my friend denise's lilac story...i did a little research on lilacs and found out that they prefer full sun (like me) and it made me smile.  here i am, like the lilac, starting over.  no friends, no business, no scribble studios.  i'm back to the basics.  family and God...and i'm hoping i grow up healthier this time--knowing when to say yes and when to say no--honoring only my Father and Gardener with my growth.


i told my lilac pruning friend, denise to keep me posted on the those beauties and let me know how they do this spring...and next--unless they die...that would suck.  she said she would and--like a good friend--said if they died she'd lie and just get new ones without telling me;)


so i guess it's me and the lilacs, racing towards the sun...