a few years back, i found myself surrounded by amazing mommas. they were all good at things like making appointments (and keeping them), returning library books and looking sane in the pre-school pick up line. i, mistakenly, measured my momma success by their amazing strengths...and i fell short. so somewhere along the way, i cast my own crazy/creative strengths aside and went to work on my weaknesses.
i tried harder.
i tried replacing finger painting with worksheets. i stopped park hopping and picked up flash cards. i bought daily planners by the dozen. i attempted to schedule our previously impulsive little life...
i ended up discouraged...
during that time, i managed to beat myself up pretty good. i was going weeks without doing fun things and months without dabbling in creativity. i spent years chastising myself for being who i was created to be...
right around that time, something about the grace my God offered me started to change my mind about my mommahood. it finally occurred to me that, it didn't have to be about trying harder...it was just about asking Him who i was, opening my hands to accept what was given to me and asking for forgiveness for my failings.
and things started to change...slowly. i started to find myself as a momma. i started making messes with my kiddos...big impractical ones. i started dancing silly in the car and generally driving with the windows down. i threw big birthday parties and a few very un-birthday parties. i began dragging creativity into everywhere...even chore lists. i started conversations that i'm pretty sure weren't happening in all the other mini vans. i broke all the rules...not on purpose--but just because it's how i love.
somewhere amidst my self discovery, i created my momma creed. it went something like this:
"i want to raise passionate learners and world changers who love God and others."
once i narrowed down my goal for mommahood it was easier to rearrange my life to make it happen.
it was freeing.
these days my mommahood looks less like anyone else's and more like my own. i feel a little more at home as a momma--less worried about being everything and more focused on offering my something. my love for my kiddos is deeply rooted in my Father's love for me. i know mommahood is nothing to be figured out and there is never a right way--but i think i've discovered that my relationship with my Father changes my mommahood in remarkable ways. when i'm close to Him i am more okay with me and i generally have more to offer those 2 firecrackers of mine and the many mommas that surround me. when i see us all as His children it's easy to see that other mommas received different gifts than i did...and it's okay if i don't measure up to them--all our gifts are good. if you use yours and i use mine, then the world will be just as it should be:)
the truth is, i will always fail in the punctuality department. i have a propensity to make up rash and extreme punishments that are impossible to follow through on("no computer til after christmas!"). i'm not a great morning momma--no creativity til after coffee. sometimes i yell. my kids watch far more tv then i'd like. my house is only clean for minutes at a time. i forget more dental appointments then i'd like to admit. i overthink little things. i have a tendency to make lessons out of flying birds and pretty sunsets. i have this habit of starting things...and turns out, being myself makes me look crazy in the company of other mommas...but i am so much more alive to my kiddos. and that's what this mommahood is all about, right? them? so nevermind the stares...
my kids will never have everything but they will get all of me. they will get the messy parts and the holy ones--they will hear of the lessons i've learned and the ones i'm currently learning. they will get a front row seat to creativity and most likely have several tardy slips each semester. my kiddos will benefit from the best of me...and learn to have grace for the worst of me...and when they are grown, they will know...i gave it my all.
right around that time, something about the grace my God offered me started to change my mind about my mommahood. it finally occurred to me that, it didn't have to be about trying harder...it was just about asking Him who i was, opening my hands to accept what was given to me and asking for forgiveness for my failings.
and things started to change...slowly. i started to find myself as a momma. i started making messes with my kiddos...big impractical ones. i started dancing silly in the car and generally driving with the windows down. i threw big birthday parties and a few very un-birthday parties. i began dragging creativity into everywhere...even chore lists. i started conversations that i'm pretty sure weren't happening in all the other mini vans. i broke all the rules...not on purpose--but just because it's how i love.
somewhere amidst my self discovery, i created my momma creed. it went something like this:
"i want to raise passionate learners and world changers who love God and others."
once i narrowed down my goal for mommahood it was easier to rearrange my life to make it happen.
it was freeing.
these days my mommahood looks less like anyone else's and more like my own. i feel a little more at home as a momma--less worried about being everything and more focused on offering my something. my love for my kiddos is deeply rooted in my Father's love for me. i know mommahood is nothing to be figured out and there is never a right way--but i think i've discovered that my relationship with my Father changes my mommahood in remarkable ways. when i'm close to Him i am more okay with me and i generally have more to offer those 2 firecrackers of mine and the many mommas that surround me. when i see us all as His children it's easy to see that other mommas received different gifts than i did...and it's okay if i don't measure up to them--all our gifts are good. if you use yours and i use mine, then the world will be just as it should be:)
the truth is, i will always fail in the punctuality department. i have a propensity to make up rash and extreme punishments that are impossible to follow through on("no computer til after christmas!"). i'm not a great morning momma--no creativity til after coffee. sometimes i yell. my kids watch far more tv then i'd like. my house is only clean for minutes at a time. i forget more dental appointments then i'd like to admit. i overthink little things. i have a tendency to make lessons out of flying birds and pretty sunsets. i have this habit of starting things...and turns out, being myself makes me look crazy in the company of other mommas...but i am so much more alive to my kiddos. and that's what this mommahood is all about, right? them? so nevermind the stares...
my kids will never have everything but they will get all of me. they will get the messy parts and the holy ones--they will hear of the lessons i've learned and the ones i'm currently learning. they will get a front row seat to creativity and most likely have several tardy slips each semester. my kiddos will benefit from the best of me...and learn to have grace for the worst of me...and when they are grown, they will know...i gave it my all.
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